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Self Defense - A new Paradigm
For many years I taught self defense. Seminars, classes, whole courses. I, like most
martial artists made a direct correlation between martial arts and self defense. Certainly martial arts left me in a better position to defend myself. But so did
learning to bench press over 400 pounds. So did weighing 215 pounds and having a rather
mean disposition. Yes I’m well suited to defend myself. However what about the people
I train. The ones I have trained to fight in the ring I have no doubt could easily defend
themselves in nearly any situation. Part due to their martial training; but also in large
part to their athletic skill.
What about the average self defense student. The non-athletic women. How does the wrist
escapes, throws from a bear hug, eye shots, and knees to the groin help her. When I taught
self defense I spent a lot of time teaching people how to fight from a disadvantaged
position. I reasoned that attacks occur without a lot of warning and attackers don’t
tip their hands about violent intentions until they have an obvious advantage. I have
always felt that self defense instruction that started face to face and with the attacker
more then 18 inches away was bunk. Who gets attacked by someone who gives you the first
shot? But I also came to realize that what I was teaching was based on the exact same
misconceptions.
I have talked to many self defense instructors and here is the general perceptions
about self defense.
- Rapists are mindless animals. This is incorrect; granted they should be treated like
mindless animals but this does not mean they are mindless animals.
- Rape is about power. Men who rape do so because they want to feel powerful. This in fact
applies some but not all rapists. Rape is predominately a matter of fantasy. John Douglas
the famed FBI Profiler was the first to determine the critical role fantasy plays in
crime. He says "Generally, all crimes, particularly the predatory types, are driven
by fantasy. If the fantasy no longer satisfies the predator, he may fuel it with
pornography. But even that may not be enough. So he begins to act out his fantasies -- or
even go beyond them." When someone commits a rape it is more then just feeling
powerful; it is part of a much larger need to fulfill a fantasy.
- Rapists will attempt to abduct the victim and move them to a ‘safer’ location.
This is true in only a small number of rape cases. It is however the most dangerous rape
scenario. Abducting implies the rapist wants the victim for an extended period of time.
The longer the victim and the rapists are in contact the greater the odds that the victim
will be killed.
- The rapist is unknown, waiting for you in a park, dark alley or parking lot. Stranger
rape is nearly always reported. Generally this is because a third party finds the victim
and they are injured to the point of requiring hospitalization. However reported and
actual crimes committed are two different things. Far more rapes are committed by a known
assailant who uses no weapon and causes no life threatening physical injury.
- One out of every 3 or 4 women will be a rape victim. This is a terrifying statistic; it
is also a statistic without a statically base. The odds of being a victim of a violent,
stranger rape is far from 1 in 3. Closer to 1 in 100 and in low crime areas more like 1 in
1000 or more. However the odds of a women being the victim of an unwanted or unconsenting
sexual act is far more common. The perpetrator is commonly a boyfriend, husband or close
associate. The self defense instruction received by women in the strip mall Dojos across
the country are woefully inadequate to protect women from this sort of crime. A crime that
is far more physiological, a crime more of the heart then the body
- Rapists most commonly use a (Fill in the blank with weapon of choice). This will be the weapon of choice given by the
instructor usually mentioned as he shows you his neat trick for taking said weapon away
from an attacker. This of course will not be a real weapon but some facsimile of a
dangerous weapon. My guess is against a real weapon said instructor would be dead. However
there is no evidence that predicts an attackers favorite weapon. Since most rapes are
committed by known assailants who already have an established power relationship no weapon
is needed. The devastation of the trust relationship the victim suffers is usually enough
to make her helpless. Then add fear, panic, shock, pain and not weapon is needed. For
stranger rapes weapons are often improvised; what happens to be handy. This could be
anything from a simple cord to a gun. This is again determined by the rapist fantasy and
the level of planning or organization user by the attacker.
- The goal is to escape. No it is not. The goal is to survive. Escape is one way to
survive. But I have seen to many people show a simple wrist escape and then console to
run. Well I have news for you. When you turn to run all you will get to do it turn. Do not
turn your back to the dangerous man. If you run it is not to get away; it is to get your
gun and shame on you for not having it with you.
- When being attacked yell fire. I include this because I have heard this "tip"
mentioned dozens of times. It is without a doubt the single stupidest thing I have ever
heard repeated by multiple people. I also think it is indicative of self defense
instructors; most of whom know nothing more then how to sell people their useless
knowledge. This should be your litmus test for a self defense instructor. Ask them if
I’m attacked should I scream ‘fire?’ If they say yes; strike them hard and
run away; yelling fire.
Nearly all self defense training starts with the assumption about the attacker.
When talking about SD for women we are really taking about rape. There are essentially 4
categories of rape and 4 types of rapists. I’m quoting Roy Hazelwood here who is the
foremost expert on Sex crimes. The man literally wrote the book and changed the landscape
of sex crime investigation for law enforcement in this country and much of the world. He
is one of the original profilers – a true super cop. These categories are also based
on the work of Dr. A. Nicholas Groth.
The 4 major categories of rapists are these:
Power-reassurance: Sometimes called "gentleman rapist." He has a complex
fantasy of a consensual relationship with a woman. These men can often have a pre-existing
relationship with the women. The believe they will win the women over at some point in the
rape and will often insists the women say specific things to them.
Power-assertive: That's the individual who believes that he is entitled to do
whatever he wants to women. They're to be used for his gratification. His fantasies are
minimal. These men can often have a pre-existing relationships with the women the attack.
The Preppy murderer fits this mode.
Anger-retaliatory: This person assaults because he's motivated by anger and he's
getting even with women for real or imagined wrongs. Such rapists are very violent. There
goal is to humiliate and harm.
Anger-excitation: He's a sexual sadist. He's punishing women because he believes
them to be evil and powerful, so he's trying to take away that power. He has deep and
complex fantasies. The Sexual Sadists is often a serial killer in waiting.
Hazelwood also notes very minor categories such as opportunistic rapist who commit
unplanned rapes while in the commission of another crime and gang rapist. He makes it very
clear the notion of a serial rapists is moot since all stranger rapist are serial rapists.
Some have slower clocks and many get caught before they have a chance to rack up victims.
I personally belief this is also true with date rapists, domestic rape and so on. All Sex
Crimes really. The other categories are organized and disorganized. Those can apply to the
above categories. Depending on the type of rapist you are dealing with determines what
your survivability is. Here is some more of Hazelwoods take on prevention. His response
are questions from an interview
Excepts from a Roy Hazelwood interview
How can women best protect themselves from rapists?
I wrote a textbook on rape with Dr. Ann Burgess called Practical Aspects of Rape
Investigation. (We're working on the third edition.) In that book I address this
topic: There's a danger in providing advice for women if a rapist confronts them. I won't
give advice on that, because you're dealing with three unknown variables:
You don't know where this assault is going to take place and you would give different
advice for location A as opposed to location B.
You don't know the type of rapist she's going to be confronted by. Is she going to be
confronted by a power-assurance rapist whose fantasy is to have a consensual sexual
relationship and if he uses physical violence, it corrupts his fantasy? Or is she going to
be confronted by the sexual sadist who enjoys the suffering of his victims? There's a
world of difference.
You don't know the strengths and weaknesses of all the women in your audience. In an
audience of fifty, you've got fifty different personalities. So how do you give one piece
of advice that's appropriate for fifty different women?
What about helping them to behave in a low risk manner?
It's simple. Use common sense. You don't go home with strangers. You don't go to bad
parts of town. You don't go someplace and smoke dope.
I can give you some prevention suggestions, too.
- If you live alone, then you need to put a male voice on the answering machine. If you
object to that, then have a dog barking in the background. If you don't own a dog, go next
door and kick the neighbor's dog while making your recording. The biggest deterrent to
burglars and rapists are dogs.
2) If you're staying in a hotel and you get a phone call that they want to send someone
up to check your air conditioning, you call back to the desk and confirm that.
3) You don't park next to a van in the mall. If that's the only spot available, you get
out on the side away from the van. Vans are favorite types of vehicles for a rapist.
That's the kind of advice I give."
My take on things
OK – now my personal take is that you can teach women how to defend themselves ;
but not in a one day, one tape set, one course method which would be 99% of all self
defense classes. Really what you are giving is some free advice and false sense of
confidence. No women should suffer under the delusion that with a little training; or even
a lot of training that she can defend herself against the average man. Short of a
professional boxer, fighter, power lifter or other high level physical athlete, few women
could hope escape without the use of a deadly weapon (gun). That is a really bitter pill
to swallow. Many women will just flat out be offended by such a statement. I know dozens
of female TKD Black Belts who would bet their bottom dollar they can crush nearly any
attacker. I’m glad they believe it; but they are wrong and hopefully will not end up
dead wrong.
There is something to be said for false confidence. Confidence confers at least some
level of awareness about danger. If that confidence makes you walk with your head up and
with a self assured stride it may ward off an attacker looking for a submissive target. Of
course it could attract a Anger-retaliatory or Anger-excitation type of rapist. Impossible
to tell. False confidence however will not help with an attacker known to you. Someone who
may have been attracted by those very traits. For the most part what self defense and
martial arts teachers give their students is a tin foil shield. To many that shield looks
like steel so hopefully they will be fooled. The danger comes when students start to
believe in their shield and feel they can take risks. It comes down to a simple fact. Male
vs female; the male will win a physical fight easily 95% of the time and win with
difficulty 4% of the time.
Don’t believe it. Put your money where your misconception is. Take any women from
a self defense or normal martial arts class. Allow her to wear head gear and protection
equipment. Take an average 180 pound male. Make him wear boxing gloves. The rules are the
man is only allowed to punch and grapple. She can do anything she damn well pleases. If
the guy is able to KO her or restrain her he gets $200. Make sure it is a guy without
qualms about hitting a women and who really wants the $200. I can assure you the end
result will be a guy with $200 and a women going to the ER.
So can a women keep herself safe? Sure; but it really will not involve a self defense
class. First be smart about how you conduct your business; use common sense to avoid
situations. 1st line of defense is common sense. However this means more then
just not walking in the park at midnight, drunk, wearing nothing but a towel. It also mean
being careful who you date. Learn how to recognize the signs of an abusive man. Be mindful
of stalkers or those who do not treat you with respect. Lock your doors, install and
alarm, get a dog, gun, etc. Do not put with people playing games with you or treating you
poorly. Cut these people out of your life. That will for the most part be good enough.
Second line of defense will be physical training. But that does not mean taking a 2 day
course at the Y. It means 3 days a week in a combat sport (judo, MMA, Jujitsu, boxing,
etc) Be sure it includes true ground fighting. I would avoid anything that involves
breaking boards or any of your common TKD, Karate crap. Something that focuses the mind
and sharpen the body. Something that forces you to develop a killer instinct. Something
that forces you to learn how to get hit, how to recover from getting hit. Dealing with the
shock of a fight. Dealing with adrenaline. Something that will allow you to survive long
enough to get to your weapon (gun). It is a day in day out discipline. Of course if your
focus is rape prevention you will go insane and become a paranoid wreck. Your training
needs to have a positive reason. Very few people will choose this path and will have to
rely on the first line of defense one alone.
Why a sport art rather then the deadly art of Kung Fu or the like? Commonly arts
are billed specially as self defense or street fighting arts. Arts for the so called real
world. They are filled with allegedly deadly techniques such as kicking to the groin, eye
gouging and so on. I can not put is strong enough language what a crock of bull this is.
combat orientated or so called 'street' arts actually tend to be far less effective then
the sport variety. At first this seems counter intuitive. Indeed combat practitioners
often scorn playing a sport touting their style’s deadly nature. Thus instead of
competing they practice dangerous techniques in a highly controlled, careful manner. In
other words they practice techniques in a manner that is entirely unlike how such
techniques would need to be performed to work.
A Karate school near my own never does live sparring. When I asked why their teacher
explained that they can’t spar because they would hurt each other too bad because
every strike they throw is a knock out blow. Similarly I have seen "grappling"
schools who also won’t spar because all their techniques will break bones (usually
necks). How terribly sad that these folks have spent so much time and effort training and
now have skills they can not control. If they had to break up a fight against two teenage
boys they would have to maim, cripple or kill the kids if they wanted to employ their
"skills." On the other hand maybe if they employed their skills as they train
they will do no harm (nor good) at all.
Those who play Sport Grappling on the other hand spend most of their practices with
full motion sparring. They practice their skills as they would really use them. Every
thing is pragmatic. There is little time wasted on fanciful wish techniques; (those are
techniques you wish worked.) When I throw someone in a match I really throw them. I really
pick them up and really slam them down. When I choke someone I really choke them. Now
granted when I do an arm bar and such I don’t snap the arm; but I have my opponent
fully immobilized and controlled. The only thing stopping me from breaking the arm and is
my mercy and him tapping out.
So is this type of training effective self defense. Well if you believe that training
for self defense involves rehearsing scenarios and conducting by the numbers katas; then
no. If you believe that and art that forces you to improve you physical condition. An art
that forces you to get tougher that teaches you to think through pain to think through
shifting positions and stages of a fight. Then yes it will help. However even at the
highest level it will still only help to a certain degree. It is still a male vs female
fight.
Lets understand what I’m really talking about. I’m talking about training to
be competitive in a sport. That means strength training, endurance, flexibility and speed.
That means regular and rigorous practice. That means you hit it every day. Tired, to bad,
sick to bad, sore too bad; you hit it everyday. It is a huge commitment of time and energy
and it is not for everybody. In fact it is really for a very small % on men and a tiny %
of women. To advise this as a practical method of self defense is just a stupid as
prescribing a Karate class. Suffice it to say for a women to learn how to fight she will
need to fight. That means real contact at full speed.
The Third line of defense; a very close third, and can be used in place of number two
is get a weapon. Now having a weapon is not enough – you must be trained with that
weapon. A gun is the most certain; but if refuse to carry one, well there are other
options. OC would be the top choice. But again you must be trained. Carrying a weapon is
another day in, day out discipline. And if you OC someone you have to understand that will
not end the fight. To be trained in OC you have to be sprayed, you have to practice and
you have to keep it fresh and you have to have an after plan. That is true with any
non-lethal weapon. Almost invariably I come back to a gun.
If someone refuses to carry a gun then they are refusing to accept the reality of a
real attack and the real possibility of escape. Yes carrying a gun is dangerous. It
requires training, knowledge and accidents with a gun are permanent. That is why you train.
Every few minutes in this country a women has her world shattered by violent crime. Every
few minutes a rapist succeeds and we all become victims. Rape is epidemic, rape is a war.
The only hope of eradicating rape is for those on the front lines to be able to win the
battles. This is where I disagree with Hazelwood and nearly all law enforcement. Cops, laws
and prisons are no defense against rape. There are means of societal revenge but are in no
way a defense. There is very little men can do. We can not protect all women. We can not
change the rapist. There is but one cure for the rapist. The cure of two holes, one in
their heads and one in the ground. And it is women who must fight the battles. And no one
day seminar, no tapes, no book will do it. It will take a 180 degree change in the
paradigm of defense and the victim culture we currently suffer under. The little steps we
propose, the notion that well – one class is at least better then nothing really just
furthers the myth of the BS all those self defense instructors and quasi martial artist
are selling to women.
If we are going to be serious about self defense for women it starts by leveling the
playing field. That won’t happen through attempts to teach the left cross or the
guard. It starts with teaching women the necessity of violent and lethal response to
violent and lethal crime. It needs to start with teaching young women. 12 to 14 years old.
It should be part of the education system. It also must start with teaching young boys.
What the hell kind of message do we send as a society when Rapists are released from
prison after 2 years or less. You really want to do something for self defense? Call your
senator and tell them it is time for a national conceal and carry law. It is time of life
sentences and the death penalty for sexual predators. It is time for a paradigm shift.
9MM of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Mike Reilly
Not a Self Defense Instructor
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